A few days ago slave B. and I had an argument. The true is that he just wanted to talk while I freaked out. He’s generally a calm person and I’m the exact opposite. He brought me new iMac, a late birthday gift that he could not afford to buy back in April due to other expenses he had at that time.
I wanted to rewrite our Mistress-slave contract to motivate the slave to help me earn my own money rather than give it to me directly in the form of regular tributes. He could achieve this through referrals and advertisements he would place on my websites, some of which would need to be built from scratch.
Unfortunately the slave was not interested to sign the new contract as he wanted to cancel the tributes altogether and immediately despite of the fact that he never completed any of the projects he was assigned in December 2012 while we were on holidays in Portugal.
I know he’s generally quite busy with work but I also know that often it is time mismanagement rather than anything else. When I first started training him, some of the session reports he was supposed to write for me were seriously delayed. At the same time he was seeing his ex girlfriend relatively often. That time could had been spent working for me. I could come with other examples like this but the point was already made. To be fair, he has done a lot of work for me over the years, including having built a few websites for me, promoting my services, book, writing the Diary and much more. One cannot expect people to always deliver, not even when those people are slaves.
However, what do you do, as a Mistress, when the slave decides to make his own rules all of a sudden? If that happens with a new slave, you just dismiss him. What do you do when the slave has been serving you very well for a few years and you have grown to like him? That is a horrible situation, one that has no solution. I have always seen the power exchange element of our relationship as the most important one, very closely followed by the extraordinary connection we seemed to have from day 1. No doubt some of the connection is linked to the power exchange itself but not all of it is. Even when we do nothing femdom related, it is still there.
The second part of the argument was also money related. The slave scolded me for having spent too much money on his credit cards recently. Although I have full access to his bank accounts, I have never actually logged in and we have not talked about his budget as much or as often as we should have. Typically I would only use the card to pay for books and cosmetics, but I did feel the need to buy some clothes and shoes for the new flat as I wanted to avoid the hassle of packing / unpacking and having to travel with a suitcase each month, taking the risk that something might be missing when needed. In the hindsight, I should had just coped with it for a few months and buy it later. In the hindsight, he should had politely asked me to stop using the cards for a while once he felt there was not enough money available. I would had understood.
When B. asked whether we were having a professional relationship, I just lost it. I could not believe how insecure he was. I’m a short fuse person and I just ended up throwing both credit cards at his feet. I thought it was all escalating in a really bad direction so I told him to take his credit cards and the expensive birthday gift he just gave me an hour ago and to leave my house. He was somehow reluctant to leave but I assured him that we would meet the next day after I had the opportunity to calm down. Eventually he left. The iMac and the credit cards remained in my house.
The true is that it was the slave´s idea to give me the first credit card, online banking details etc. I say: Don´t give a person a box of matches to play with just to call “Fire” later. Metaphorically speaking, I could had burnt the whole house down if I wanted to.
Some of the frustration I felt and still feel was related to the fact that the slave´s servitude is not as consistent anymore as it once was. Things like a bit of promotion on Twitter take hardly any time and are clearly beneficial for me. There was almost none of it recently. I also realized that we don´t chat on Skype very often anymore. On top of that, B. generally acts far less submissive towards me these days than he did in the past. Clearly, he is not as motivated as he used to be. I also feel that he acted too judgmental towards me without having acknowledged what had gone wrong on his side.