Monthly Archives: March 2017

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On personal slavery

From Mistress´ Diary part 4

Around the time I broke up with slave B., two new wonderful personal slaves found their way into my life. They are different age, nationality, ethnic background and have different family status as well as the overall lifestyle but one thing they do have in common – both grew extremely devoted to me over the time. Naturally, there have been a few disappointments along the way as one would expect in any relationship or personal arrangement. What really counts, though, is that things have progressed very well with both of them lately.

My English slave K. decided to prove his loyalty by offering to get a brand of my ownership anywhere on his body as per my preference. This is something I haven´t explored with any of my slaves yet and I instantly felt intrigued.  The slave is now looking into various designs and he should get one of them tattooed later this spring. The kinkiest bit actually is not the tattoo itself but rather the fact, that K. is married and this obviously WILL have consequences for his marriage.

The other exciting news is that K. has just ordered a Platinum credit card for me. It will be handed to me personally in a few weeks time, probably as part of our next session. This does not only make me feel so spoilt, it naturally gives me some extra power over my slave. Something I genuinely thrive on.

My Middle-Eastern slave N. is not married but is limited by his very demanding job. His major ambition is to eventually relocate to Europe so that he can be closer to me and serve me better. By the time this happens, we should be able to meet in between his work projects, possibly as often as every two months. N.´s way of servitude is extremely self-less. He stood out of the crowd already the first time we met when he impressed me with the largest tip I had ever received from anyone in a session. The other mind-blowing thing about N. is that he will happily serve and treat the people I love just to please me. This is very rare because there´s nothing sexual or kinky about it. It´s pure servitude at its best.

I am very curious about what´s coming next in my D/s arrangements and whether there will or will not be any new personal slaves accepted this year. As all of you know, the bar had been set high and hardly anyone is given the chance to become my owned slave.

From Mistress´ Diary part 3

August 2014

It all feels really different all of a sudden. The dynamics is totally off as I don´t feel like dominating B. anymore. I also don´t feel like talking to him on Skype. When he asked me what I wanted to do during his visit this month, I said that it was up to him. That is so unlike me as I always like to decide.

He noticed that I hardly share any news with him these days.

September 2014

I made the hard decision not pursue the relationship with B. anymore. We should probably talk about our problems and try to fix them but it´s difficult as we are spending very little time together these days. In the past the slave used to work on various projects but since the beginning of this year he has been working for one company full time. That makes it impossible for him to come to Prague as often as he and I would like to and I´m getting bored, frustrated and demotivated in the meantime. He accepted the decision without much fuss. How very grown up of him. Deep inside he probably felt relieved that he would get the opportunity to look for an exclusive female led relationship, something he longs for but I am unable to provide.

It has not sunk in yet.

April 2015

I met the ex slave a few times since January. The first time I signed a new legal contract in which I was giving him my half of the property back. The other times he brought me a few things from The Netherlands and I helped him order some furniture for his flat. We also had lunch on one occasion. I think it was then and there when I realized that although I still enjoy his company a lot and he can make me laugh so easily, I am not especially interested to be his friend. It´s weird and wrong but I still feel like I should lead and guide him. I guess old habits die hard.

When I tried to explain that perhaps we should not see each other again as I found it upsetting, the slave somehow reacted to it more strongly than to the actual break up. I can´t really get my head around it. Maybe he felt I was rejecting him not only as a slave but as a person too but that was not the case. I was just desperate for us to move on.

CONCLUSION

Although genuine sadness followed our break up, I do not regret the decision as it eventually resulted in some extremely positive developments in my life. A few months after we split, I adjusted my life priorities and made a major personal decision that helped me grow as a person and move forward. I also realized that although in theory everyone is replaceable, people don´t really need to be replaced at all. When someone considered special is gone, you just learn to appreciate others more. By “others” I mean people, who would otherwise unjustly end up as no. 2 at best as they would never be given the chance to live up to their full potential. You open your mind, the universe takes notice and rewards you in ways you never thought were possible. 

From Mistress´ Diary part 2

July 2014

A few days ago slave B. and I had an argument. The true is that he just wanted to talk while I freaked out. He’s generally a calm person and I’m the exact opposite. He brought me new iMac, a late birthday gift that he could not afford to buy back in April due to other expenses he had at that time.

I wanted to rewrite our Mistress-slave contract to motivate the slave to help me earn my own money rather than give it to me directly in the form of regular tributes. He could achieve this through referrals and advertisements he would place on my websites, some of which would need to be built from scratch.

Unfortunately the slave was not interested to sign the new contract as he wanted to cancel the tributes altogether and immediately despite of the fact that he never completed any of the projects he was assigned in December 2012 while we were on holidays in Portugal.

I know he’s generally quite busy with work but I also know that often it is time mismanagement rather than anything else. When I first started training him, some of the session reports he was supposed to write for me were seriously delayed. At the same time he was seeing his ex girlfriend relatively often. That time could had been spent working for me. I could come with other examples like this but the point was already made. To be fair, he has done a lot of work for me over the years, including having built a few websites for me, promoting my services, book, writing the Diary and much more. One cannot expect people to always deliver, not even when those people are slaves.

However, what do you do, as a Mistress, when the slave decides to make his own rules all of a sudden? If that happens with a new slave, you just dismiss him. What do you do when the slave has been serving you very well for a few years and you have grown to like him? That is a horrible situation, one that has no solution. I have always seen the power exchange element of our relationship as the most important one, very closely followed by the extraordinary connection we seemed to have from day 1. No doubt some of the connection is linked to the power exchange itself but not all of it is. Even when we do nothing femdom related, it is still there.

The second part of the argument was also money related. The slave scolded me for having spent too much money on his credit cards recently. Although I have full access to his bank accounts, I have never actually logged in and we have not talked about his budget as much or as often as we should have. Typically I would only use the card to pay for books and cosmetics, but I did feel the need to buy some clothes and shoes for the new flat as I wanted to avoid the hassle of packing / unpacking and having to travel with a suitcase each month, taking the risk that something might be missing when needed. In the hindsight, I should had just coped with it for a few months and buy it later. In the hindsight, he should had politely asked me to stop using the cards for a while once he felt there was not enough money available. I would had understood. 

When B. asked whether we were having a professional relationship, I just lost it. I could not believe how insecure he was. I’m a short fuse person and I just ended up throwing both credit cards at his feet. I thought it was all escalating in a really bad direction so I told him to take his credit cards and the expensive birthday gift he just gave me an hour ago and to leave my house. He was somehow reluctant to leave but I assured him that we would meet the next day after I had the opportunity to calm down. Eventually he left. The iMac and the credit cards remained in my house.

The true is that it was the slave´s idea to give me the first credit card, online banking details etc. I say: Don´t give a person a box of matches to play with just to call “Fire” later. Metaphorically speaking, I could had burnt the whole house down if I wanted to. 

Some of the frustration I felt and still feel was related to the fact that the slave´s servitude is not as consistent anymore as it once was. Things like a bit of promotion on Twitter take hardly any time and are clearly beneficial for me. There was almost none of it recently. I also realized that we don´t chat on Skype very often anymore. On top of that, B. generally acts far less submissive towards me these days than he did in the past. Clearly, he is not as motivated as he used to be. I also feel that he acted too judgmental towards me without having acknowledged what had gone wrong on his side.

From Mistress´ Diary part 1

December 2013

Recently B. and myself signed a purchase contract on a large flat that is located in the greater center of Prague. It will be mostly financed through mortgage that he secured from a local bank. The slave has another mortgage on the house he lives in in The Netherlands and also pays rent for his office but we don’t travel, shop or fine dine as much as we used to so it should work out financially just fine I think.

As I already mentioned, we are much more settled down nowadays. We still have a lot of fun together but the relationship is not fueled by sessions and mind games so much anymore. In 2012 we often met twice a month, occasionally even more often than that. I very strongly felt that the slave would have had hard time to manage without me. Now it feels different. We meet every 5-6 weeks on average and there have not been any crying episodes for at least 18 months now. Although I generally don’t like needy men at all, B. never came across as needy or manipulative even when he was a complete mess emotionally. You just see people differently if you respect them I guess.

In any case the relationship still feels pretty strong. I can’t imagine that the slave would let me co-own his property if he was not sure about us, especially considering I am not financially participating although I have invested a lot of time and efforts to make this happen, from checking offers to going to viewings, translating at bank, communicating with estate agents, gas company, electricians, furniture sellers, insurance company, setting up direct debits and standing orders etc.

Shortly after the contract had been signed, I moved some of my stuff in. “Welcome to your new home, Mistress”, the slave said and handed me a bunch of keys. We knew I would not live there permanently but would visit whenever B. was in town and of course had the liberty to be there even when he was away if I needed to or wanted to.

May 2015

The slave and I spent whole week together in The Netherlands this month. That is very unusual as we typically only spend a long weekend together every 6 weeks or so these days. B.´s parents went on holidays and they wanted him to house-sit their villa. I´m not sure but I think it was even their idea that we stay there together. It was very kind of them to allow me to join B. in any case, especially as they have never met me.

The slave picked me up at the airport as he always does. We hugged and headed to the parking lot. It was about half an hour drive to the village where his parents live. B. showed me around the modern ground floor first. I noticed fresh flowers in a vase in the kitchen. He usually gets me some. Allegedly I am the only woman he has ever bought flowers for. He really knows what to say to make me feel special. Next we headed to the basement where there was a good size swimming pool. I could not wait to take a dip. We moved upstairs where B. showed me my bedroom and bathroom. Everything was prepared for me by B.´s mum including towels and toiletries. Wow. I was impressed.

The slave had just replaced his no longer reliable Alfa Romeo Brera with a newish Toyota GT86. He has a black one while mine is metallic orange. Unfortunately that made money even tighter than before so we ate mostly in and focused on free or affordable activities such as museums, outdoor photoshoots, swimming in the pool etc. However, the slave suggested that we go to a huge fashion outlet one day. Probably not the best idea given the circumstances. Fortunately he did not spend a lot of money there as I only liked one shirt.

B. had put a lot of efforts into organizing the photoshoots. He asked a well-off friend of his if I could pose with his Maserati and Cesna. I was excited when the friend agreed. As slave and I talked about this upcoming photoshoot, I joked that perhaps I should make his wealthy older friend my sugar daddy. B. and I have very similar sense of humour and we always get each other´s jokes. Apparently not this time as he was afraid I might be serious! WTF?? I sometimes say I have made the wrong choice and, in fact, should be dating B.´s father or brother as they both have higher salaries than B. does. Interestingly, he never thought I might mean that.

Happy Women´s Day!